Is It “Kissing Up” to the Boss or Just Common Sense?
Written by Jerry Roberts. Follow me on Twitter.
Attitude, Communication, Leadership
photo by Athena’s Pix
During a training late last year the topic turned to our precarious economic times and job worries, and a couple of “Generation We” (aka Gen Y or Millennial) workers disagreed with one of my positions, that we have to take an active role in influencing our employers so that we’re not an easy target for layoff if that becomes necessary.
I had suggested that now was a good time to make a bigger effort to forge a warmer relationship with the boss. In more colorful terms than I use here, one young man dismissed my remarks as simply kissing up and said he shouldn’t have to.
Another replied: “My work speaks for itself. The company should recognize us all for the value we bring and, if somebody has to go in a layoff, the best workers will be retained.”
That’s not how it usually works
He’s right. That’s the way it should be. However, for those of us who have been around the block a few times we know that’s not always the case. There are many reasons that one person is retained while another is let go.
The short list:
- past performance
- judgment of our potential
- compensation
- likability and relationship
Obviously, there are other considerations and that includes some that are illegal. For this article I’ll assume that no employment laws are being broken and that the company is playing it straight.
Take the first three factors: performance, potential and compensation, and let’s say that two workers are considered equal. However, in the relationship category, one far exceeds the other. Who will likely keep the job?
Like it or not, it’s not a perfect world and personalities count. How much the boss likes me might be the determining issue.
Does the boss know how much I like my job?
There’s one more piece to this that I haven’t mentioned: Our perceived desire to be there.
Does your boss know how you feel about your job and the organization? Is it clear that you really want your current position?
Are you sure?
Have you ever heard a supervisor describe another worker as only caring about the paycheck? I certainly have. Whether correct or not, that was their perception and it influenced how they felt about the individual. Given a tough decision as to who to keep on the payroll, that person is at a distinct disadvantage.
This is one of those reality checks. Even if things are currently going well in your shop, there’s no time like the present to plant some positive seeds with the boss and make sure that she clearly understands your position. A few minutes of your time can add some insurance.
Five minutes and three things to establish
Ask your supervisor for a five-minute meeting. It may run a bit longer than that, but probably not much more to accomplish three things. You’ll say something like this:
- “I wanted to ask you for your opinion on how I’m doing and if there’s something specific you think I can work on to improve.”
- “I’m excited about (current team or individual project or initiative), and the overall direction that we’re headed.”
- “If I come up with a little free time can I come back and discuss a side project I’ve been thinking about?”
You might be tempted to expand that list a bit, but I don’t feel it’s necessary. Those three items say big things about you. One, you’re open to evaluation and you want to improve. Two, you’ve clearly stated how you feel about your work and the organization. Three, you’re willing to do more than the minimum and you’ll take some responsibility for scoping out work that needs to be done.
Note: If you’re not sure what that “side project” might be, look at item 9 of 10 Ideas to Keep Your Boss Satisfied (Or Happy).
I don’t know about you, but if somebody walks into my office and says those things, I’m buying in. I think most supervisors will feel the same. Those three simple items will separate you from the majority of workers — a positive differentiation.
Do what you can and live with the results
If I get laid off even after my boss sees me as I wish to be seen and understands my feelings toward my job and organization, then okay, I did what I could and she felt somebody else was a better choice. I can live with that.
But, if I let decisions get made without the input that I could easily provide — and I don’t like the outcome — then whose fault is that?
In a perfect world a supervisor would know everything, evaluate us perfectly, and always make the right choices. Because that’s not the working environment we have, we need to step up and assist the process.
Bosses get busy, miss details, and don’t always see what we would hope they do. If we’re not proactive and do what we can to influence them, then a perception that we feel is inaccurate may lead to a decision we feel is unfair.
It’s only common sense, not kissing up to anyone — or anything — to do something about that.
I’m interested in your thoughts on this.

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